It was a joke shared on Facebook. "Dear Whatever Doesn't Kill Me, I'm strong enough now. Thanks". After I shared it, I noted tat a lot of bereaved Mum friends had also shared it.
It reminded me of a lovely lady I met, who was fighting cancer. She was a young mother and had a lot to fight for. While chatting, I mentoned that we had lost you. She said "It makes you stronger, doesn't it?"
I did nod and agree, as I didn't want to pour my negativity into her already full cup but it wasn't what I felt inside. And I wondered why people think that losing a child would make you stronger. To me, losing you was the emotional equivalent of having a stroke. I feel weakened. I used to be able to go food shopping without running away to another aisle when I see a two year old girl or a small baby girl. The person you should be now and the person you were when you left us
I used to be able to go to family parties. Now I either don't go or if I do, I have to brace myself for weeks beforehand.
I used to be able to walk through the girls' section in Next without getting tearful.
I used to be able to handle conflict without crumpling into a heap afterwards. It's as if all my strength is taken up with missing you and I can't take any more. I used to look forward to family holidays, and not be sad that I wasn't booking another ticket, ordering another passport
I used to read books about things other than spiritualism.
I do think perhaps I have more compassion than I used to and maybe I'm a little kinder. But stronger? Hell, no.
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